Never one to miss out on a hot new technology hypefest, CollabSystem are pleased to announce the CollabSystem Metaverse, your digital world for inexplicably disappointing digital experiences.
Since EPIC Games announced its $1billion raising to invest in its own metaverse, we have started to contemplate how we would deploy capital wastefully against this exciting new trend. The continued market frenzy around the extraordinary value and dubious aesthetic of NFTs helped reinforce to us that digital assets and experiences are a space in which CollabSystem needs to play.
Therefore we are announcing a massively expensive digital work metaverse project. At this stage of its evolution, the project is too deeply confidential to explain. Further elaboration might reveal we don’t understand metaverses. The good news is that there’s little chance our customers understand them better. We can assure you that, like employee experience platforms, the metaverse will come to market with many modules and a solid if complicated subscription model.
We expect that the CollabSystem digital workplace metaverse will be the best and most richly featured of its kind with the most engaging and productive employee experiences based on our deep understanding of digital work productivity and handwaving. We will have the widest range of integrations and partners to enrich our metaverse, when we can get people to return calls.
Like all metaverses, our proposition will sound amazing and yet the experience of participating for your employees will be subtly disappointing. Just like the coffee at the coffee bar inside your office is never as good as the one from the coffee shop next door, we can assure you the CollabSystem metaverse will deliver an employee experience that is just below par, reminding employees that while you are prepared to invest in their digital experience, their experience at work will never be quite good enough to be satisfying.
The other realistic experience of our metaverse will be the in-experience purchase opportunities for your employees. We believe digital employee experiences should be richly extractive like real world employee experiences. It is important at all times while work is pouring money into their pockets that employees feel like they are somehow losing money too. To round out the CollabSystem metaverse, we have hired the world’s leading experts in gamification. We don’t know why but we are sure that engaging games, puzzles, challenges and scoreboards will be a part of our digital work haven. Every day already feels like an run through an old fashioned Nintendo platform game, including the consistent fights with the big boss. We wouldn’t want to deprive your employees of that experience digitally.
CollabSystem metaverse will be the best employee digital work experience metaverse. Sign up now to be first to adopt this extraordinarily hyped product. We guarantee we will be able to explain what it is before you use it.
COLLABSYSTEM 