Them Ain’t Us

 

As recently as yesterday, CollabSystem unveiled their latest in collaboration technology – Us vs Them. The only problem with such a divisive and ultimately disorientating approach to corporate allegiance is that customers are Them.

Customers Aren’t Us

If you aren’t Us, you’re Them. And since customers have the ability to talk to our competitors, they’re very much in the Them camp. They will never be Us, and we should never be willing to share information with Them. Them’s the enemy.

Fake News

It’s not just about who you are, it’s about what you say. If you’re Us, then what you publish online is true. If you’re Them, then if must be fake news. This problem has existed for millennia, ever since Aristotle published the first article on the parody website “The Onion” back in 417BC.

Verified as Us

The solution to this all is, of course, verified accounts. CollabSystem uses the latest in IBM Watson artificial intelligence to establish whether an account part of Us. Like Kasparov working out whether he’s black or white today, CollabSystem clearly establishes which side of the board you’re on.

If you’re Verified as Us™, your account will get a little gold star. We all know what the gold star means – not only did you complete all your chores, but you ate all your vegetables too.

Verified as Them

This is where it gets interesting. Being part of Them (and without the Verified as Them™ tick), your blog was fake news. However add CollabSystem’s tick of approval and your content is now reinterpreted as Ours. Despite being Them, you’re suddenly part of the Us trusted “inner circle”.

Verified Customers

So where does this leave those pesky customers?

With the CollabSystem Verified as Them™ tick, your customers can be part of Us. It’s a seamless transition, where customers don’t even know that they’re Them one minute, and Us the next. And eventually when the relationship isn’t considered “win-win”, it’s a seamless transition for the customer back to the #fakenews chaos of Them.

Remember, Them’s the enemy.

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