Unrelenting Progress: Emoji-To-Fax

Hot on the heels of CollabSystem’s recent Faux Rotary Dial Telephone, today they have achieved their next milestone on the product roadmap – the release of Emoji-To-Fax.

Emoji-To-Fax (“ETF”) takes cutting-edge sentiment analysis technology and applies it in a way that was never originally intended. The emotion underpinning emojis is seamlessly translated into melancholy imagery and delivered by fax, perfect for a Gen X audience.

This system uses Artificial Intelligence in a way never seen before. People have pointed out that the technology is only in its infancy, but our cloud servers don’t throw up errors when we use them. So it must be fine?

In our product launch we were heckled with phrases like “garbage in, garbage out”, but a single character Emoji is hardly “garbage”.

It allows Millenials to talk to Gen X by translating common Emojis such as this sad face:


into random (yet somehow appropriate) images of melancholy, for example:


Image Credit: Saatchi Art

The cover page of the fax also includes a cryptic or witty comment with overtones of Gen X privilege. The paid version also allows quotes from a motivational speaker who might have been all the rage in the late 1970s:


Delivery but facsimile* requires a thermal fax machine or V.34 modem (if you have to click on the link, you’re too old to be reading this).

When asked to elaborate on how the gadget came about, there was an awkward pause. “We were originally trying to connect every computer we had with every other computer. If only someone had told us about WiFi, we’d have saved so much time. However by building it ourselves, we got pretty good at connecting outdated technology with smart watches. Now that technical surplus has become our gift to the world. We can’t think of anything else useful to do with it.”

Asked what customer need this solves, CollabSystem issued a press release that simply stated:

Why would we need a customer need? This solves our need to look like we’re meeting our roadmap targets and disrupting an industry. Surely that’s enough?

But since you ask, there are 92 million Millenials and 61 million Gen Xers. That’s 153 million people in our target market. If everyone wanted to talk to each other, that’s 2.806 quadrillion interactions.

Thankfully Millenials don’t care that much about communicating with Gen X. We don’t have that much thermal fax paper.

* Yes kids, that’s the word for “fax”

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