At CollabSystem, we understand that employee segmentation founded in deep HR analytic capabilities is a critical component of employee engagement. Nothing is more engaging for employees than to be treated as the average of other employees based on a vague stereotype. That’s why CollabSystem’s is pleased to announce its employee segmentation tool, Venn.
How does Venn work?
Venn leverages AI to develop employee segmentations to suit any business purpose. Venn uses, rich HR analytics, neural networks, deep machine learning, hidden biases, flawed methodologies like learning styles and Myers-Briggs Type Indicator and gross oversimplifications. Venn confirms all the prejudices in the organisation quickly and simply. Most importantly, as these biases are buried in the magic of our black box, they survive legal, employee or other challenge.
Importantly Venn doesn’t confuse management with complex propensities or any mathematics as its output. Venn simply outputs a pretty Venn diagram with employees in each circle with no indication of how tenuous the individual employee’s connection was to their segmentation. Think GE’s 9 box model for talent with even less ambiguity. Importantly our Venn technology further confuses matters by allowing the opportunity for an employee to be placed in up to four segmentations simultaneously.
We love Venn diagrams. They look so good on a whiteboard or a presentation. They look so much like science and they hide more than they show. Most importantly of all, when venn diagrams get really complex, they look like pretty flowers of meaninglessness. Nobody can follow a 3-4 segment venn diagram which is why HR teams love them. We can’t have everyone thinking that they understand employees can we.
Let’s explore some examples of Venn in action.
Venn in Action: Venn Case Studies
Employee Loyalty: Our first test case of Venn was when we ran our Collabsystem HR data through the system and asked it to give us a much richer, nuanced and insightful understanding of employee loyalty. Venn immediately produced the diagram below. We recognised the value of this analysis immediately. We fired everyone who fell in the Them category, even though some of them suggested looking at a competitor’s website was for legitimate research purposes.
We have begun a comprehensive spying program on the Traitors. We were hoping to fire them too, but our entire executitve team fell in this category. HR has now resolved to pick them off one by one after we use them to manipulate our competition. Double agents don’t always have to know they are being used.
Employee Retention: When we asked Venn to consider Employee Retention, it produced this brilliant and insightful segmentation. Essentially, the diagram indicated to us that naivete, ageism and company specific skills were core to our retention of employees. All the nonsense about employee value proposition was a waste of time. In response to these insights, we fired our Employee Retention manager. She fell in the Considering exit category. We realised that the employees with best retention were those who were recently hired and were hanging under threat of termination during their probationary period. We have hired more new hires. We have also retained an expensive retention consultant on contract who can help us by making our processes even more arcane and company specific so that our employees have no choice to leave. This will enable us to continue to expand and then ignore our community of employees who have no choice to work anywhere else. We think employee retention will improve quickly as a result of the insights from this Venn analysis.
Employee Fulfilment: We have been impressed by all the pretty Ikigai diagrams we see across the internet. We wanted one tailor made to CollabSystem’s employees. We think this one is particularly pretty. However it turns out that all the employees who fall in the Ikigai category are also in the Considering Exit and Traitor segments from the Venn Segmentations above. Sadly, it seems knowing that Ikigai is important and has lots of components doesn’t help us to deliver it. We continue our work with Venn to analyse our employees to solve this. We hope that a new ‘boiling ocean’ feature will enable us to get more out of our overflowing HR data lake.
Buy Now: We think that Venn is a compelling reason to purchase CollabSystems. Mysterious non-transparent mission critical AI systems are all the rage at the moment (We take a lot of our product management lessons from Boeing). Buy now before you learn more of how Venn works. AI mystery is the best kind of mystery.
In our future product roadmap, we are even considering an upgrade of Venn for customer analytics. Look at our first output from that work