At CollabSystem, we know employee engagement is critical, especially in times of crisis. We are proud to announce CollabSystem Journey, the ultimate employee lifecycle platform.
The Journey is Important
Our best product ideas are based on deep customer understanding. We spend hours in our conference room frankly discussing our customers. Often in those discussions, we gather an insight that defines our next phase of product development. Some of those products actually work.
We have noticed four key themes recently in the discussions our clients are having:
- Employee engagement is important but nobody seems to know what it means or how to have it
- Our clients talk a lot about ‘journeys’, usually as an explanation as to employees as why things are so tough or aren’t progressing
- Employees at our clients have an employee lifecycle. We don’t know what that means, other than its another kind of journey, because none of them stay long enough to explain it. It is clearly unrelated to the human lifecycle, because it is way shorter and nobody ever learns anything.
- None of our clients can travel while the world is locked down in this global pandemic, so they can’t possibly be on journeys as they all work from home.
Combined with some CollabSystem product genuis, these insights underpin our confidence in the transformative potential of CollabSystem Journey, as an employee lifecycle platform to deliver employee engagement. CollabSystem Journey enables employees to become highly engaged in AI-mediated digital cloud-enabled experiential learning journeys to acquire blockchain enabled credentials that are worth about as much as most crypto-currencies.
Planning the Journey
For most employees onboarding is a bewildering experience where the promise of a role and an organisation dissolves into a bewildering series of compliance training, compromises, cultural clashes and disillusionment. We recognise that this is rarely an optimal experience.
CollabSystem Journey automates this process using AI and bots to ensure that nobody wastes any time disillusioning the employee and breaking their will to live and think independently. Our UI is perfected to maximise the confusion and the sense of fear of new employees, increasing the urgency of their engagement to work out what is going on. At the end of onboarding employees all wonder how they can keep their role when they feel so unqualified.
TentPlace
We struggled to find a term for the module that is the heart of CollabSystem Journey and supports the ongoing journey of all employees. First we wanted to call it Basecamp, but our lawyers said no. Then we tried Trailhead, but apparently that’s a cloud solution too. We considered SAP (for structured AI-mediated progress), WorkDay and dozens of other acronyms, time or journey related names, but it seems our competitors are well ahead in this space and we surrendered quickly.
The intern suggested Tentplace. We all laughed. Apparently it is available, so we assigned the intern the drudgery task of making the core of our application where most of employee time is spent. Like many of those other applications, it will feel like it has been designed by someone underpaid and unloved for those who are underpaid and unloved.
The intern had the genius idea that most travel these days doesn’t live up to the experience that others are having on Instagram. Our Tentplace module makes sure employees are always aware that someone is travelling further, having more fun and making more money. While they might be tempted to just sit back and scroll, employees will continue to receive helpful comments from their friends, family and colleagues as to how they could go further as they work. Like Instagram, we want employees to really wonder what they achieved with all the time spent, other than acquaintances they want to forget, a sense of frustration and unresolved envy.
We couldn’t be prouder of the intern’s work so we told them to take a hike.
Taking a Hike
Not every employee is suited to your organisation. Not every employee is up for the journey. CollabSystem Journey is designed with this in mind.
Employees who fall behind on the gruelling death march that is your organisation will be highly engaged in a careful designed experiential detachment program known as ‘the hike.’ When the journey is complete, CollabSystem Journey will tell them to take a hike and digitially remove any record of their existence from the organisations systems.
COLLABSYSTEM 