Stop! You Are Doing Collaboration All Wrong

Many organisations may feel that the issue with collaboration is a lack of the activity. As a technology vendor, CollabSystems knows better. We understand the importance of fear, uncertainty and doubt to our clients. We believe that we should create the most fear, uncertainty and doubt possible so that our messages stand out and you buy more of our product. In creating fear, uncertainty and doubt, the most important thing is that we tell you what not to do. We think you should stop. You are doing collaboration all wrong.

Now that we have your attention. Let us tell you why.

The FUD Factor: the Value of Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt

There’s been a lot of nonsense written recently about psychological safety as a precondition to performance, collaboration and innovation. We treat that research with the same seriousness that we treat evidence of global warming. Just like arsonists are burning our forests to destroy our global carbon economy, organisational development researchers are weakening the fabric of our organisations.

For hundreds, thousands and even millions of years, human beings have been ruled by, motivated by and shaped by fear. We didn’t come to dominate and destroy the planet because we were heroes. We did so to escape the frightening predators of the African savannah. CIOs didn’t buy IBM because it worked. They bought blue to avoid the terror that came in the night and took away their key to the executive washroom.

CollabSystems understands that fear remains the best, most intense and most effective form of motivation that any organisation has. If you can reduce even a C-suite professional to a simpering mess with the words ‘disappointing performance appraisal’, then fear must be a core part of any collaboration suite. That wide grin on your face is not happiness, it is downright corporate terror. Engagement is what is left when panic stops.

CollabSystem’s is not falling for any namby-pamby safe-space purposeful mindful corporate speak. We are building collaboration products for fear uncertainty and doubt. We are all dead, if we don’t get this right, so you should be too. Welcome to your VUCA future, baby.

Leveraging Fear for Collaboration Success

Disruption is your profits and your job disappearing so that some VC can own a Ferrari.

Not your car

Now that we have your attention again, let’s talk how our product delivers collaboration success through fear, uncertainty and doubt.

At CollabSystem, we have always understood the power of fear in this product suite. Whether it was talking power to truth, our enterprise collaboration model, or the data doomsday clock, fear has been everywhere in our offering. We have just held back from outright terror and corporate brutality. That all changes now. Frankly, it should make our products much more familiar for you all.

Our underlying Architecture of Fear TM, will now support all CollabSystem products with our 7 capabilities for comprehensive and sustained fear, uncertainty and doubt:

  • Intrusive governance
  • Comprehensive reporting
  • A post-truth denial of relevant information
  • Continuous feedback on failure to meet performance standards (regardless of actual performance)
  • Randomised punishment, loss of status and privileges – we call this ‘reverse gamification’
  • complex and obscure process management that is only knowable after repeated demoralising failures and is subject to random change
  • Humiliating transparency of your inadequacies

The Architecture of Fear TM will arrive by surprise in your tenant in coming months. Premium subscriptions will enable you greater control of the Fear. The more you buy the safer you will be. Buy now. Buy big.

Your teams will not thank you for it, but your shareholders will drive better cars.

Carlos Morley is CollabSystem’s new head of product. Having ejected CollabSystem’s founders from their overly comfortable Aeron chairs and got control of this aimless product suite, he is taking no prisoners on a path to product management greatness. You too can be a minor part of Carlos’ future TEDX talk, ‘Fear the Final Frontier’

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